Just a small update.

I want to have a few lines here about life; my life.



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That may sum up my feelings pretty well.



I work out regularly. Super regularly. Everyday now. I may take a day of rest occasionally. I am just going crazy with my training, I just want to have fun in the gym while I am young and have the time. Ha, this is how I am taking advantage of my youth.

I am more aware of the age gaps now. Where once I was still relevant to some High schoolers or college kids... I am the graduate now.

I am at conflict still, with so much. I know I am young, it just makes me wonder if this is just 'life' or me just growing up. Personally, spiritually, emotionally, professionally...  It does scare me. The feeling of transition in my life is more resounding than ever. But transition to what.

I  have never lead my life any typical person my age, or like most I know my age. In many ways I was not afraid or thought twice about decisions I make for myself. If I chose to follow a path, I was going to follow the course to the finish. I see everything now as a decision, even a decision to be indecisive. Now for the first time, I really start to think twice, three times and more about what I am doing and what I think I am going to do, what I have done, or what I have not done.  For some time I dwelt heavily, allowing these thoughts to pull me into quite the state. I have managed now to gain some perspective and try to enjoy a little more of life right now.  I do not think I will overcome this completely for some time though. I do not think I can let myself.

This journal is a year old now. I can look back, and remember my thoughts, plans, and my mindset. I did not think I would be like this a year later. I suppose that is how plans go. I wonder in another year... how it will be? 


I write this for myself and I share it with you.